Daycare Advice Needed...

So I need some advice...this is going to be a long one, lots of backstory...

Olivia (and soon to be Avery) go to an in-home daycare just around the corner from our house, our neighbor's little boy goes there too...Olivia seems happy there (keep in mind she is 19M old, so she isn't able to really tell me much), she did have a few tough weeks, she cried when we dropped her off, but she is better now, and I am guessing it was because she was home with us for so long while she was sick and it was just tough going back to daycare.

So there are 10-11 kids, and a husband and wife team care of them. They are at their "limit" for points. Sometimes in the afternoons when I pick Olivia up, she is still in the kitchen eating her snack by herself, Donna (the wife) is changing another child on the changing table in the front room and other kids are playing in the main room, so Olivia is in the kitchen ALL ALONE. And the other day when I picked her up, she was in the kitchen, Donna was on the computer and all the other kids were playing, I hate that she is in the kitchen alone, she could be choking...and who likes to eat alone? And a few times a week when I pick up Olivia, John (the husband) isn't even there, I hate that. Sometimes its at 4:30, so its a full hour before his work day should be ending. Sometimes there are too many kids for just Donna to watch on her own (points violation) and sometimes its okay, not that it thrills me, but I know its "legal", it all depends on how many kids are left at that point.

So at times she makes comments when Brad picks Olivia up like "Olivia just doesn't nap well"...and that makes me think that she never naps well, so I ask the next day how long this has been going on, and she says "oh it was just yesterday"...and today she tells my Mom "Olivia sleeps for 30 minutes, thats it", (she takes a 2-3hr nap on the weekends) and now I don't know how long this has been going on, she is never specific. And then John tells my Mom that non of the kids nap well, they only sleep for like 30 minutes. So I called my neighbor (who is a close friend) and asked her if they told her the same thing and she said no, so I have no idea what to believe. Half the time I wonder if they are keeping my kid straight with all the others. I wish she would give me a report on a daily basis as to what she eats and how she naps, a lot of in-home daycares here do that, but she doesn't. I hate not knowing what she eats for lunch because I could be feeding her the same thing for dinner, and I try and ask but she just gives me generic answers, not the menu for that day...

I just worry, and I know I will worry even more when I have to put a 12 week old there too....And I have no idea how to approach my concerns with Donna, but I just don't feel comfortable talking to her about it, I am so afraid she will take it out on Olivia and not like her as much if I am "that Mom" that complains all the time. I am generally a very assertive person, but in this situation I am terrified to say anything to her about it. What can I do?

Shannon - any advice?

I am a certified infant/toddler/preschool teacher and owned a home day care for some time. In no way am i an expert.. but hell i have been a mother for a long time! That just doesnt seem right. In this state you can only have 6 kids to one person, no more then 2 infants and one has to a walker. A home day care can be a larger one but no more then 10 kids with an approved helper. Just reading your description, i would be sooo uncomfortable leaving even Olivia in this womans care. (a 12mth old i babysat YEARS ago choked on a goldfish cracker while sitting directly in front of me, i handled it, got it unstuck and called 911) Your right it can happen even if you have ears open in the other room. I wouldnt tolerate it and would move the baby out. I have heard so many scarey stories... I dont want to hear anything bad about my cyber nieces.

Leigh~ I could go on all day about this! I personally keep my numbers low. I actually only have three kids (ages 3,4 and 5) to watch and it is only part time. A few years ago I had a "Full' day care and watched 6 two year olds full time. It was quite stressful! It seems like there are a lot of kids in Olivia's child care. That is a great thing for socialization, but when it comes to individual attention that is way too many kids. I have a really big house and would not know where to put all those kids down to nap so they were not disturbed while they slept. I think that a two hour nap is reasonable for Olivia's age. I would also be uncomfortable if the husband left when there are so many kids still there. If it were my son sitting there alone I would be upset! I think that adding a newborn to her load would be too much! You don't want to have to worry about your kids at all. I know that finding a good reliable day care is really hard. It is good that her husband helps her so that she doesn't have to close on you if she is not well. It is strange that he isn't there sometimes when he should be. Men creep me out in child care situations anyways. I know that is so judgmental to say. Sorry!!!!! My husband is around my child care all the time. He does play with the kids but it is never his job to help me. My advice, go with your instincts. You know I would love to watch your kids! I wish that we lived closer!

Oddly enough I was originally creeped out that it was a husband and wife team, but then I thought more about it and realized that it might actually be a good thing. I don't want Olivia to be scared of men, I want her to be able to handle herself and not freak when she sees a guy, so it didn't bother me, and he is good with the kids, they all love him, and he feeds them all their meals.

I just hate the feeling I get about the whole thing. She is "legal" with the number of children she has, and she gets inspected, she is liscensed by the state, she has had a few "points" violations, but not in a long time, not since before Olivia was in her care. When I talk to my neighbor about it, she just thinks I am being a crazy parent, she isn't worried about her son at all and she is getting ready to put a newborn there in September as well. Olivia loves her "friends" there, and always run to give Donna a hug when we leave, she went through a phase when she didn't even want to come home with us, she wanted to stay and play. But the week or so when she cried at drop off time killed me, I don't know how I would handle that if she had done that from the beginning, this was the first time she did it in the 13 months she has been going there (she didn't start daycare until she was 6M old).

My DH isn't as concerned as I am, he thinks she is in a "good" situation, but not a great situation. I know I should listen to my gut, but I also second guess myself since my DH, and my neighbors (both husband and wife) aren't worried about it. Donna has had numerous repeat clients, people that bring all of their kids to her, and I haven't seen any parents pull their kids out. And there are cheaper options here, but not many, so I wonder if the cheaper ones are just SUPER scary, so people keep their kids there for the price factor, and I hate that we are in that position right now.

It sounds like the girls will be in a safe situation with providers who really do care for them. With my experience every parent is different with there comfort level. I have had parents who call all day long and parents who totally trust the kids are fine and I never hear from them. My only concern would be the amount of kids she is watching. I know that she is with in her limits, but like I said before it can become very overwhelming at times and attention cannot be payed to everyone with so many kids. I also charge more money for quality care and all of the parents are ok with that. If you can leave the kids and feel that they are in good hands then I would leave them there.

I wish there were fewer kids, because once Avery joins the crew in May there will be 3 under the age of 1, and then another newborn will join the mix in September, and she will have 4 under the 15M mark, which is when I believe their points drop, so I don't know how she is going to keep up with all of them. She did just turn away a newborn a few months ago because she said she wanted to get used to the ones she had, she didn't want to "over do it". I felt like saying "dont you think you are over doing it now?". HA.

I agree with April in that if I found my child in a position that compromises her safety (being alone in the high chair unsupervised) I would honestly be looking else where for childcare.

For a home daycare that sounds like a lot of kids to care for.

My son goes to a childcare facility, and he has about 10 other classmates, and there are always two sometimes 3 caregivers around. I have come in and peek in on him numerous times and all the children are always well supervised all the time.

You do not want to wait for something bad to happen to finally decide to change providers.

I honestly would keep looking. I am sure there are other licensed home daycares in your area. Especially since you noted that her clientele is increasing further with add'l newborns (including your own).

I would not listen to anyone, (you are not crazy to feel the way you feel) and pull Olivia out, and have Olivia and Avery be cared for at another facility.