Hospital visitors

At my birth classes this weekend, the teacher (a nurse) brought up something I really hadn't thought about. I'll have a 2 night stay in the hospital (for vaginal delivery) and I'm thinking about asking people other then immediate family (basically our parents and siblings) to just hold off on visiting until we've been home a week or so and had a chance to settle in and get into a routine. I'm thinking I'd really like to use my hospital time to utilize the staff's knowledge, rest and get to know our baby.

Has anyone ever taken this approach? How was it received by friends, etc? Were people pissed/feelings hurt?

We're thinking about not even telling our family that it's time until after we're home. We may change our minds when he's here, but I'd like the time to recover, learn how to breastfeed, and be selfish with our baby for at least a day. My mom is pissed that I would even think about that, but it's really our choice and she'll live. I think for friends, that's totally understandable, and I personally wouldn't have hurt feelings if my friends asked for distance for a while. It makes total sense, and I think you'll get mostly good responses.

Lisa my husband wants to wait and call people after our son is born too. But aside from my immediate family I just can't do it. I am the last one out of my siblings to have a baby and they have all been waiting a long time for this. My family would be so mad. I did runaway to get married and that alone was hard enough on my family. My sisters were crying and everyone was so upset. I wasn't expecting them to cry etc when I told them and it really spoiled the surprise for me telling them. Anyway back to the topic...you are exactly right it is your decision and they will get over it. My family got over the wedding thing...but I am not sure they would forgive me if I didn't call them when we had Jake. Plus they have done so much to help us get ready for the baby.

Dee

Thank you to both of you. Dee - we also eloped! Though we told people we were going to do it and when. We just didn't want family there (too much drama with broken families and hard feelings). I appreciate the feedback and it helps me validate my feelings of wanting to have that little bit of time to ourselves. It's not selfish. And you're right, I want the time to focus on breastfeeding, etc. As always, thank you

That is the exact reason we did it. My family knew we were engaged and they were already making plans for my wedding. Way too much drama for me. Trust me when it gets to be too much at the hospital I will tell them to get out. I am pretty vocal about things now. I have noticed the older I get the less I put up with......

Dee

We eloped too! We told our parents the week before and that was it.

I'm guessing I won't be able to keep my mouth shut once he's here, but I feel like it now. I guess we'll see!

Yay! I am not the only one!!! We did tell my family a few weeks before hand and well my DH's dad we didn't tell until the day of our wedding reception which was a month later. Thats another long story. I did let my mom and sisters plan our wedding reception which we did have at home to share with them since they missed out on the actual wedding. My dad was awesome about the whole thing. He was excited we eloped, he said now I don't have to wear a monkey suit, lol!!

Dee

We are planning to call DH family and let thme know that he is camin,g but we are waiting to call my family! His family lives 4 or 5 hours away and my family with only be about a hour away. SO... we will see how that goes.

Lacie

I definitely think it's your decision! I remember having a vaginal delivery, and because I had a long labor, I was soooo exhausted the day I gave birth and now looking back, I would have rather just had that time to ourselves instead of entertaining visitors. I think friends and family should understand!!

Stacey

I know there is a little note you can put on your voice mail and your front door regarding visitors. I'll have to do a google search for examples. I dont think its unreasonable to ask for privacy. I didnt have any visitors with Grayson and I was so happy. I could sleep when i wanted to, i didnt have to worry about someone walking in while i nursed, and i could spend time with him to get to know him. I will post it if i can find it.

Thanks ladies, you make me feel so much better about wanting the alone time.

I agree, its 100% your decision, and while their feelings might get hurt, that is their problem not yours. The only advice I can give you is be upfront with them NOW, tell them that you are not planning on accepting visitors at the hospital, because likely once the baby arrives, family members will start the phone tree and the whole town will know, so people likely will find out you are in the hospital, so I would go ahead and set the expectation upfront that you will gladly accept visitors once you are home and settled. Since you are also having a "Winter Baby" you don't want extra germs in the hospital with you, so make sure people are clear about that, all my friends that have children know, if anyone in their family is sick they need to stay away, but my single friends might not get that.

Also, you can tell the "front desk" people at the hospital to put your room on Do Not Disturb, they won't let visitors back there if you don't want them to, and the RN's at our hospital were great about asking how we felt about visitors, becasue they aren't afraid to be the bad guys and tell them that you need your rest, or they need to "check you" to get them out of the room.

I loved having my friends come and visit, but I was feeling like a million bucks, I don't know how I would have felt if that wasn't the case. Olivia arrived at 4:57pm and my friends were there by 6:45pm.