Missing your mom....

I don't mean for this to a morbid thread, just looking to reach out to anyone in a similar situation...

I lost my mom (pancreatic cancer) when I was 23, so she has missed out on some big things in my life (meeting the man who became my husband, my wedding, my first house, the birth of my first child, being pregnant with my second), and while my friends are great, as are their moms, its just not the same. I was just wondering if there were any other women on this board who are missing their moms?

I am sorry for ur loss, and ur sadness. You'll always miss and wish she was here with u, but to know that she is watching over u and ur family may help.
I lost my (step) Dad --- who raised me most of my life, and I always wish he was able to be here, He has never met my husband, wasn't there to give me away, and see the babies, either. It's sad. It is different to miss a mom I know. But I have also lost a Brother and a Sister, and I miss not having a sister the most, especially considering almost all of my friends have sisters, and I get so upset watching them together sometimes!

I know it's not exactly the same but I do feel for u,

** hugs **

I am sorry for your loss. It can be so hard when we lose someone so close to us. Your mom is watching over you and I am sure she beams with pride and happiness for the life you have and your family and children.

While my mom did not pass away, she is very mentally ill and incapable of participating in the big events in my life. She has emotional regulation issues and rages at people (violent rages, distruction of property), she hears voices that make her do things (like abandon her car along the highway in another state and then break into cars at a rest stop or knock on neighbors doors at 3am warning them about the "attack" that is about to happen). She missed my college graduation, my wedding, and will now miss my pregnancy and the birth of her first grandchild. I try to reach out to her, but every time I am so disappointed and let down. In my mind she is the mom that I wish I had and not the real person with problems. I have to work really hard to remind myself that while other mothers can respond with love, support and guidance my mom cannot and will ultimately say or do something incredibly hurtful if I don't protect myself. The really sad thing is that she tries to particpate in things eventhough she is not capable and it always results in a meltdown. She hates my husband because she thinks he brainwashed me. That translates to he and I don't yell at and berate each other and we have mutual respect for the others feelings, property, and privacy. My mom cannot relate to relationships like that.

I really miss the mom that I wish I had. Like you said, while other people and mothers are great, they are not your own mom. I want to know what her pregnancies were like, how she felt, what we were like when we were little. I want her to call and offer support and ask how I am. I had a hormonal crying jag the other night and my husband was trying to comfort me. I just kept saying "I want my mom". It makes me so sad to think about. I have reached out to older women who I work with and have found great support in a co-worker. We go out to lunch and talk about all of the things my mom would tell me about pregnancy. She has also offered to take time off when the baby gets here and come help out.

It's not the same, but I lost my grandmother right after finding out we were pg in June. I was closer to her than I am to my parents, and I still just can't get over it. I'm so happy that I was able to share the news with her 3 days before she passed away (she wanted this so badly that I think she could finally let go and become my baby's angel), but I still can't grasp the fact that she isn't a part of my pregnancy and won't be a part of my little one's daily life. She was very sick, and it was really difficult to take care of her the last few months, so I just have to keep telling myself that she is better off this way no matter how much it hurts.

I hope you find some peace.

Sarah

My mom is alive and well, she just chooses not to be in my life because i am gay. She didn't attend our wedding and thought i would go and visit everyweekend even though they hate my wife. My wife and my parents got along like best friends until they found we were together. My mom did make a baby blanket (boy and girl) and i wasn't even pregnant yet. But at a family gathering, she ignored me because i was sitting with my wife and completly ignored my wife's attempt to say hello, making her look like an idiot. They tell my brothers that if i were to come around, i can't speak or mention anything having to do with my wife/relationship and they will accept the baby only because i am pregnant. We are a family and family sticks together. i am not going to ignor my lifestyle for their comfort. therefore, my mom is not involved in my first pregnacy. It's sad to have seen her so involved with my sister in laws, calling them everyday and giving them advise, yet i get nothing.

i know it dont compare to actually losing your mom, but to me this is it. she's there and i can't even talk to her.

I lost my dad in 2004, about three weeks after we'd told him that he was going to be a grandpa (I was about ten weeks pregnant with my DS). He had a massive heart attack in the middle of the night while at work and was gone immediately, so we got that dreaded 3 AM phone call. For the remainder of that pregnancy, I always woke up at 3 AM (usually to pee, but the timing was always suspiciously subconscious) and now I find that I'm doing it again in this pregnancy! I miss him all the time and always wonder what his relationship would have been like with my DS. Two peas in a pod, those two would have been.

Divine13 - I imagine the pain is just as bad, if not worse, when a parent chooses not to be involved. My dad's passing was very painful, but it wasn't his choice. I'm so sorry your mom has chosen to behave like that - - she's missing out on so much by not celebrating the love that you and your wife (and baby) have. Be strong.