Grandma drama- rant

So I told you all how my parents and brother showed up at the hospital without calling following Celia's birth. They drove 13 hrs. to "surprise" us (me who had just been cut open less than 24hrs before, Celia who was 4 weeks early and suffering from jaundice, and DH who was taking care of both of us on less than 3 hrs sleep). We had planned to have no visitors in the hospital and they basically steam-rolled our boundaries and wishes. Plus, she completely ignored DH and was rude and controlling on top of everything else.

Anyway, since we have been home my mom has called every day and I have not answered the phone because I am still mad at them. I have also not answered calls from my aunt (my mom's sister), who let my parents and brother stay at her house on their way to "surprise" us and spoke to me the night they stayed there and lied to me (or just didn't tell me) about them being there. Moreover, we are taking care of a new born baby and the last thing we need is drama, mean people, hurtful phone calls, and wasting energy on family members who lie to us. So my mom leaves a message for me today telling me that she knows I am screening my phone calls and she doesn't know why, that I am a mom now and not a 12 yr. old so I should stop acting like one, that there are a bunch of people in the family who want to know how I am doing and how Celia is doing, and that I should be "a good girl now" and return calls when "my loving family" calls me.

This message is exactly why I haven't answered the phone when she calls, because she is not capable of controlling her mean behavior and not being selfish. First, DH and I just had OUR first child, which means that WE come first and (not to sound like a bitch) whoever wants to see her etc. will just have to wait until we are good and ready. Second, I am an adult and a mother now, which means that I have the right to screen my phone calls to protect myself and my family from abuse and mean people. Third, "loving family" members don't leave hurtful messages on the phone of their daughter who gave birth two weeks ago and is taking care of a new baby while recovering from surjury.

I am trying so hard not to cry and not to completely hate my mom. She is so mean and sick and every time something important happens in my life I am reminded by her hurtful behavior just how much I wish I had a "normal" mom. A healthy grandmother would be offering help, telling people that we will let them know when we are ready for visitors, asking if we need anything, and understanding if we can't answer every damn phone call and e-mail. I am half tempted to call her and tell her off or send her a letter telling her off, but I know that it won't do any good. It just kills me because I feel like we take so much abuse from her and never get to vent about it or tell her how it is.

im sorry your mom is being suck a bitch.. i remember u previous rants about her.. Gosh this woman just can NOT let something happend and not have it be all about her can she? I dont know what to say other than i know this must be hard for you, its hard when family is being so dang difficult and u just want to be polite and nice but at the same time just chop their heads off.. trust me, DH and i went through this with my parents about 2 years ago when we got married.. My parents were not happy i was gonna marry a blk guy (they love him like a son now) and i had to deal with hurtful phone calls all the time.. Each time i thought things were getting better and calming down my mom had to make it all about her and how im hurting her and im doing this to drive her to her grave ect ect ect... And not that i was just happy and in love and that there was nothing else to it.. But either way things for us calmed down big time and i hope ur mom comes around one day too and realizes ur happines is just as importnat as hers and stops making everything all about her all the time..

I am sorry that you are going through this, its an emotional time for you without the added drama of your Mom adding to it. I had a similiar, yet not so simliar experience right after Olivia was born, my parents were staying with us because their house wasn't finished yet, so it was closer quarters, I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating and apparently according to my Mom I was snapping at everyone, she clearly didn't understand or remember the emotional toll that labor, delivery and being a first time Mom has on someone so she didn't understand what I was going through, nor did she try and understand, I just heard her on the phone telling my Grandma that I was snapping and being awful...it hurt my feelings so badly...

I saw your last post about your parents surprising you, and without the background or history of the situation, as an outsider, not knowing the past, I need to be honest and tell you that I didn't see the harm in your parents surprising you, yes they could have given you more privacy when you wanted to nurse, etc. But I tried to put myself in their shoes and I gave them the benefit of the doubt...and from what you say they probably didn't deserve it. While it is your first child, and it is your rules and your right to set boundaries, I just know how important Grandchildren are to my parents and my in-laws, I can't imagine keeping them from their little loves, but I know that every family situation is different. My Mom never says the right thing and we fight all the time, and she hurts my feelings, we are just very different people and while at times we act like best friends, other times we are at each others throats, I have to always remember that she is my mother.

Please don't be upset by my post, I don't want to upset you, I just wanted to give you an outsiders perspective. I totally understand the need to vent...I just try and remember that just because they don't always execute perfectly, or say the right thing, I always hope that their (parents) intentions are good and true, and that they really want to do right by their children. I hope that you find peace with the relationship and that you are okay with your choices...if you think getting it off your chest and telling her how you feel would help YOU, regardless of whether it helps the situation, I think that is 100% what you should do

GOOD LUCK! I will be thinking about you!