Christmas vent

OK let me start by saying that Christmas day is a day of non-stop running for us. I mean to the point where the kids are running to bed when we get home. For the past 8 years Christmas has been the same....

1. We have Christmas morning at home with the kids
2. We go to my parents house around 9-9:30 and christmas over there(I have younger sib's which is why we do it then)
3. We come back home and get dressed for the day(we go to my parents in jammies)
4. Back to my parents for christmas with my dad side of the family at 2pm
5. DH' parents house at 3:30pm

Again this has been in place for 8 years. Ever since Jared was a baby. So 9 years to be exact. Also we never eat here. We always eat at my mom's.

We were out of town over the weekend so my mil got together with her daughter and my sil and picked to have it at 1pm this year. So at no time were we even called on cell phones to ask about this. So here is the email from my mil I got last night...........

"Hope you guys had good time and are feeling better. Krista, Missy and I all got together and figured out the plan for this year. I ordered a sandwhich tray, Krista is bringing some fruit and Missy is bringing a side(not sure what). I also have tons of cookies. You can bring a special dish if you would like or not worry about it. We will have enough either way. Everyone will be here at 1pm. I know your family gets together then, so you can stay at your mom's and Alex can bring the kids over. It really makes no difference to me.
Love,
Mom"

Now why on earth after that many years would you change it up?

Alex called her last night and asked why and she said so we could be together longer. WTF. We are there till 8-9 at night each year. Then she said to him well I really don't care if Jamie comes at all, since she would rather be with her family than us. Really??? We see my dad's side of the family all together 1 time a year. We only get to see them for 90 minutes and then leave to spend the rest of the night over there.

So am I wrong to be pissed over this???? I am mean the whole time change with out even being asked, and then just not even giving a shit if her own daughter in law shows up???? I am to the point where I am sending Alex over only and keeping my kids with me.

You have every right to be pissed. I sure would be. That is selfish of MIL to say for Alex to bring the kids and you can stay at your parents. Its also selfish for them to change the time and not ask you guys.

You have such a busy schedule on Christmas. My hubby and I visit family before xmas and then we have xmas dinner with my side of the family. I use to run around on xmas day but I decided no more. I wanted that day to spend at home with my family.

It sounds like to me you need to stick to the same schedule all of you have had for the last 9 yrs. Show up at MIL's at 2pm and too bad if that doesn't suit them. They should have talked to you guys first.

Dee

Oh my.... I am pissed for you right now. It sounds to me like his family is a little controlling like they want Alex all to themselves??? I have to agree with Dee, stick to what you have been doing for years but be sure to talk it over with Alex so it doesn't cause any problems between you two. Neither one of you were asked so you have stuck to your typical plans and if they don't like it then they should be greatful they get to see any of you there.

We had a problem last year because my MIL still wanted things done her way when her kids were little, well that wasn't easy walking past our presents with DS and going and opening gifts at their house at 7:30 am. So, all of the kids (DH, BIL, and SIL) got together and now we have decided to do it this year at 10:00 which is way better but our day is still crazy too. The good thing is that we celebrate my Dad's family the weekend before Christmas, DH's family dinner (dinner only presents are Christmas day) on Christmas Eve, and Mom's family on Christmas day. Thank God we don't have any more to do on Christmas day.

Back to you, stick to your guns and don't let anyone change a tradition that you and your family have created because that is what your children will remember for the rest of their lives!! Good luck and let us know what happens!

If it truely "makes no difference to her" have your husband tell her to eat without you guys- and you will be there at 3:30 as usual.

Yikes! And I thought we would be spread thin this year...To do what you already do is quite the accomplishment. For her to just change the time is not only rude, it's inconsiderate to both you and your family. I'm with Kboogie. Your crew should just show up at the same time you always do. Good luck and don't let it spoil your holiday!

kboogie wrote:If it truely "makes no difference to her" have your husband tell her to eat without you guys- and you will be there at 3:30 as usual.

I agree, show up at 3:30. She is being selfish in her "making no difference to her" attitude, as well as doing this to spend more time with everyone. You're there long enough, and by going earlier then she is taking away time from your side of the family. Keep your dh with all of you.

kboogie wrote:If it truely "makes no difference to her" have your husband tell her to eat without you guys- and you will be there at 3:30 as usual.

Yes, I agree!

If she is going to have a "tough shit" attitude in regards to you and your time, have a "tough shit" attitude back. Don't accommodate to her, she seems like she is attempting to turn you into a doormat.

Maybe I am just a hard ass, but if hubby is ok with it, I wouldn't go over there at all and just spend the whole night with your family. The first year I was engaged to DH, my parents wanted me to come home for Christmas without him "because it was family time and he really wasn't family". I told my mom that he is my family and if you don't want my family, you don't get me either. They didn't change their mind, so I went and spent Christmas with DH's family. It was the first time in my life that I didn't bow to my mom's holiday demands and the first time in my life that I didn't go home for Christmas. Honestly, it was the best decision I ever made. DH and I have our own holiday traditions now, and our traditions DO NOT involve being emotionally abused by screwed up, selfish, bitchy inlaws.

I would stay where you are wanted as a whole family...you, DH and kids, and that is with your family of origin. Tell MIL to stick her abundance of cookies where the sun don't shine

Oh man, I am all fired up about this. I made my DH pause "The Unit" on TV so I could tell him the story...he just laughed at me and said "You girls....if you only got in a room together".

If I were in your shoes, I would "ask" my DH to tell his Mom that as planned, we will eat with my family at 2pm, like we have for the last 9 years and we will be at their house at 3:30pm, you can always eat leftovers when you get there. She can't just change plans like that, they are standing plans and have been for the last 9 years...

And does she not think that your family wants to spend time with your WHOLE family as well, not just you?

We are going through a similiar situation, while its annoying, it hasn't really impacted our schedule. My SIL decided that for the first time they want to spend Christmas Morning at their own house, I really can't blame them, this is our last year of traveling for Christmas, but they didn't make the decision until a few weeks ago, so we had already decided we would travel to my In-Laws because as always we assumed everyone would be there, but now in an ideal world we wouldn't be traveling over Christmas we would head down on the 26th so we could all spend the weekend together, but of course that isn't going to happen since we had already promised my MIL and FIL that we would be there...

And of course I get a call today from daycare...Olivia had a 104 degree fever...and then my MIL called, my neice went to the ER last night, she has Croop (sp?) and Strep....not a chance I am letting my child anywhere near her if she is still sick when they come into town early on the 26th, plus we plan on leaving on the 26th mid-day to be back to have "Christmas Morning" here on the 27th...Phew. Its always something huh?

I cant believe she basically said she doesnt care if youre there or not. So you have to let ur kids go to her house and not have YOUR family see them for xmas? THATS NOT FAIR! you can tell ur DH to tell her (shoot or tell her ur self) that DH can be there by one and it "makes no differance" to you if he goes there at one but you and the kids will be there same time as every year for the past 9 years! I understand that ppl's plans change and her plans dont ALWAYS have to have u in mind even though ure family and all that BUT she could have said it diff. She could have said WELL WE DECIDED TO START AT 1 THIS YEAR AND I KNOW YOU GET TOGETHER WITH YOUR FAMILY SO I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IF YOU WANT TO GO THERE 1ST AND COME THE SAME TIME YOU NORMALLY DO. WE WOULD LOVE FOR (YOUR HUSBANDS NAME HERE) TO BRING THE KIDS AT 1 IF THATS OK WHILE YOU SPEND TIME WITH UR FAMILY. or something like that, and not made it seem like she really doesnt give a rats tail if youre there or not.. HOW RUDE! is all i have to say

OMG Jamie...this totally sounds like my MIL and SIL. Demanding and controlling. Bow down to me! I totally hate that. I agree with everyone else, stick to what you always do...she will get over it or not. I would be completely pissed though at the fact that she doesn't care if you are there or not. What a nice thing to say...LOL...unbelievable. The holidays always seem to bring out the best in everyone.

So I just cam up with the best plan Thanks to my MOM .

My mom called ALL of dad's family and told them we are pushing dinner back till 4pm. So we will go to his mom's at 1pm like she wants. However we will be leaving at 3:30 to go to my mom's house. Which will piss my mil off so much because she thinks I will be coming over at regular time while Alex and the kids come over at 1pm. So her the whole family has more time together just got kicked in the ass. Since we will only be there 2.5 hours.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

That's a great plan! Have you discussed it with dh yet?

Sounds like a great plan!!!
I don't understand why we can't all have GOOD, NICE and loving MILs. My MIL has hated me since day one. In fact.... she finally figured out that we were going to be together and started being OKAY to me after my 2nd boy was born. Like 3 years ago. She still calls and trys to get DH mad at me, but it doesn' work. LOL!!! He is on MY side now!!!
Short story to tell you about how bad she didn't want us together......
We had been together for a little while and she calls him AT work and tells him tht she seen me in a black truck with a couple guys going out of town.... he says "Okay mom, I'll give her a call on her cell and see where she is going" and he calls me and I am in bed asleep VERY sick and had been sick for about 3 days... ANYHOW.. he calls to see how I am doing and tells me that his mother had just called and told me the story. ANYHOW... she calls him back and asked where I was going and he flips on her and tells her that I am at my parents house sick and could be going to the ER soon, because I had been sick for so long that my parents were scared that my body was shutting down... ANYHOW... like 3 weeks later I WAS out with some girlfriends and we were caming back into town and I called and he told me that WE needed to have a talk after he got off work that night and asked if I could came back into town once I got back to my car. Well we took a drive and she had called him and told him that she "HEARD" that I had... had a train pulled on me... He said that and I didn't have a clue what " having a train pulled" on someone was. I was 20 years old and didn't know anything about a trian IN a SEXAUL way. Anyhow, I told him that I don't know what that is and I go to my parents house..... and I talked to my mom, and ask her to PLEASE explain to me what the hell it was.... WELL she did and I CALLED DH mother and told her that she could go F*** herself I would never do that to myself. Well that started a HUGE fight and we didn't talked for a VERY long time... and when we moved in together and she would drive by the house ALL THE TIME and see who was there and she would send DH sister up to the door and "say HI" and to see if anyone was there, well there was one night that I was out of town with my family and my car and some of his buddies cars and trucks were there and she pulled in and NO ONE would answer the door. She called and asked why a bunch of guys were at our place...... ANYHOW.... she is still a EVIL bitch to me and my SIL and I are best friends and she hates it!! Ha Ha!!!

Lacie

Man Lacie!
That's a horrible MIL story if I ever did hear one!

I am glad your DH is on your side at least...I would hate to have to deal with a crazy MIL and have my DH be on her side.


Great plan btw minivanmamma! LOL. That's the way to tell her happy holidays.

DH is all for it. He is pissed the way she is acting, but does not want start anything. Big momma's boy.

My mil has really not liked me from day 1. I got preggers right out of high school. As in graduation night. So she thinks I stole her little boy from her. Is it my fault he moved out of the house with out telling her NO. IT is her fault for being a BITCH to him all the time.

SOOOOO glad to hear that your dh is all for it! That's awesome and will serve her right!

OMG...I can totally relate to the MIL thing. My MIL and SIL are total bitches to me. They sabotaged our wedding plans so bad that we decided F it and went to Vegas. Best decision we ever made. I had a patient come into the office where I work and tell me that MIL was ranting that "at least she got to see her daughter get married. I didn't get to see my son get married because it was her second marriage and she decided to elope!" Well, emotional hormonal pregnant woman me flipped out and got totally pissed. I have heard this from several different people....total bullshit! I always tell them...do you know the whole story...well, let me tell you. Then I tell them what a total bitch that she and SIL were during the wedding planning...right down to SIL acting like a bitch over a bridesmaid dress that she tried on over her jeans and T-shirt! Gimme a break! MIL coming to OUR house telling us what to do and she ain't got a dime in our wedding...WTF is that about! Gotta love the MILs.
We had our Christmas at their house last Sat. I went and stayed with DH because if something is said to me...I want him to hear it, period. He has a hard time believing it all. He is a Mommy's boy. Then, when it is time to go in a play "nicely", I got sick from my nerves being all worked up from being around these people. I left and came home. I don't even want to open the gift they gave because they are so fake.....I have pretty much washed my hands of them at this point until I receive an apology...I am sick of the petty bullshit!
Good for your Mom Jamie. My Mom would pull the same thing on my MIL. I think it is great that your husband is sticking by you on this one!
Sorry for the long post...I have wanted to vent about this for a long time.

mini*van*mama wrote:DH is all for it. He is pissed the way she is acting, but does not want start anything. Big momma's boy.

My mil has really not liked me from day 1. I got preggers right out of high school. As in graduation night. So she thinks I stole her little boy from her. Is it my fault he moved out of the house with out telling her NO. IT is her fault for being a BITCH to him all the time.

Im joining your I hate MIL club....almost the same story except were stuck living her...talk about a death wish!
Today she really pissed me off. I was cleaning the house because the rest of the lazy asses in this house(SIL,her bf and ex bf) wont clean up after themself's..Ive been keeping things ok when I have the energy but they wrecked the house. So Im cleaning and MIL comes out and says "finally".....like I never clean at all...WTF are you serious!?
I let it go and finished but refused to clean the kitchen because before SIL came back this week I was keeping the kitchen spotless but now its filthy,the sink is full oh dishes and there are ants everywhere. I told DH because Im frustrated, everyone is old enough to clean after themself's and Im not going to cook christmas dinner tomorrow in a nasty kitchen.He decides to call his mom and ask her to have his sister do her dishes...She says "shes being to demanding"......Im being to demanding...you cant be serious. After cleaning up after them all week Im being to demanding in asking 4 the kitchen to be clean....give me a fucking break.

Good Gracious - that is a nightmare. I can't imagine that. My MIL doesn't interfere at all...so much to the point that when my DH broke up with his GF (that he dated for 2.5 years before me) she said "Thank God, I was afraid you were going to do something stupid", and all along my DH had thought his Mom liked his GF, because she didn't comment either way...sometimes I love this about her and other times I would like her opinion and would like her input, but I guess if I had to have it one way or the other I am thankful I have it this way, but I think its just God's way of keeping me sane, since my own Mom is the controlling one...

So how did it all work out? what did she say? was she mad? lol